The Final Journey
25th August 1980
I had a restless night with only patches of sleep.
I got up very early, about half-past-four in the morning, and went into
my studio intending to meditate in order to go back to bed to catch up with
some much needed sleep. Meditation was great for this. Not only did it relax
me, but I had discovered that it could initiate a drowsy dreamlike state,
which felt very wholesome and enjoyable. I would then almost sleepwalk back
to my bed with my eyes hardly open and sink instantly into a deep, blissful
But I wasn't tired at all. I looked at some of the paintings I
had produced during the previous weeks. One in particular caught my attention.
It was abstract, four feet by three feet, created with broad free brush
strokes. I always strived as best as I could to destroy any emergence of
pictorial imagery in the painting in order to remain purely abstract and
I thought I had succeeded with this work. But I hadn't. Now it was like
I was looking through the gaps of a half-open curtain into another world.
True, there were no pictorial elements, but the painting was anything but
abstract. It was an unworldly landscape cast in pink and blue lights. The
feelings this evoked startled me. I was looking at something I had never
seen before. Only once before had I experienced something similar: when
I looked at a painting by Mark Rothko; but that was on a quite different
level. This went far, far deeper, probably because it was my painting.
Finally, I closed my eyes and began to meditate. Then I must have fallen
In my dream I was walking with a small group of people through
wild countryside. The colours were rich and vivid. Abundant moss covered
huge fallen trees and it was as if I was walking through a painting by the
German romantic artist Caspar David Friedrich, or a film set for The Lord
of the Rings (which, of course, is my view from hindsight).
the scene began to change until we came to a halt in front of a huge incongruous
piece of architecture blocking our path. In fact, its presence was so monstrous
in its monotony that I wondered what freakish power had put it here. It
was so out of character with the environment that I realised at once that
I was in a dream. I paused to let the realisation sink in until I had establish
full waking consciousness. The people I had been with were no longer there.
I was on my own.
Out of curiosity I entered the building. I was aware
more than ever that in this world objects had little function other than
to serve as symbols, signposts or challenges. This was the world of mind-over-matter
rather than matter-over-mind. Contemplating its significance, I entered
the building and found myself in a gigantic hall. At the very centre was
a large spiral staircase that went so high that I could hardly see the top.
Without further delay I walked up the staircase and soon drifted rapidly
towards the very top, just under the roof. Here the stairs came to an inexplicable
stop. There was no door, no window - not even a hatch. I knew instinctively
that in order to get out of the building and onto a higher level I had to
break through the roof.
With my bare fists I started punching a large
hole into the roof. Big chunks fell out of it as if it was made from porous
Finally, I climbed through the hole in the ceiling and
onto a platform. To my surprise I found myself in open countryside groups
of trees on either side, only to realise with awe that I was ii interior
of a still larger hall, enclosing the whole country surrounding me.
recalled my battles against the ceiling obstacle in the past and I began
to wonder whether I was again embarking on a fruitless effort to fight against
these formidable barriers. Nevertheless, I wanted to out, so I soared high
through the hall until I reached the ceiling. I admired the beautiful and
intricate plasterwork, reminiscent of ancient temple designs, with gigantic,
exquisite floral patterns. Yet this was of little interest to me and I hacked
my way through the ceiling with disregard for its artist. Then, climbing
onto the roof, I found m, surrounded by glorious countryside. Pondering
my adventure, I looked into the sky and found to my astonishment that it
was or with gigantic intricate swirls and patterns. Then I realised that
it the inside of a huge dome, the roof of yet another gigantic hall, miles
in diameter but an enclosed space nevertheless.
Instead of getting annoyed
I sat down and thought about experience - not just that I had been ascending
through various domes, but the stupendous and much more profound fact that
my personality, my life - my whole being - was by now fully transfered into
different reality. Admittedly, this always happened whenever I first realised
I was conscious in another world while my body was still asleep, this felt
different. It was as if I had uprooted and relocated for ood. There was
no urgency at all to go back to my body and the possibility dawned on me
that I may have become a resident here on a permanent basis. On the other
hand I still had a vague link to another we which was taking care of my
sleeping body. I knew I could recon with it simply by shifting my attention,
but this was not on my age now. I was more puzzled by the strange mystery
of the experience its overwhelming reality.
I figured that I was surrounded
by mere symbols and yet symbols looked as real as buildings back on Earth.
I was astonishes how my mind dealt with the phenomena of multidimensional
reality. It had no way of conceiving the reality of this experience other
than by translating it into comprehensible symbols of stacked rooms. There
was wisdom in the way these mysterious forces guided me onwards through
unknown territory using signposts I could understand.
I felt no desire
to rush back to my body. My presence in this world was fully established,
and there was no need to worry about being interrupted. I might just as
well have been in another country, physically - it felt so real.
great clarity of my wakefulness and the superb power of focus I was endowed
with made me realise that I was on the verge of a great discovery, of conquering
new dimensions, which had been inaccessible until now. Fate, or whatever
else it was, had endowed me with this luxurious waking consciousness in
this nonphysical world, and it was a great blessing. All I had to do now
was proceed with determination and focus.
With these insights I rose
again into the air like a balloon until I passed through yet another ornate
ceiling. This time I didn't even have to use 'physical' force but passed
straight into another massive hall, filling me with excitement and expectation.
The light in this space was far brighter and came from all around me.
The feeling was much more uplifting and I was carried on a stream of energy,
which pulled me onwards like a giant magnet, higher and higher towards a
ceiling, which dissolved before I even got close.
This was extraordinary.
The atmosphere was much brighter still than before, more penetrating and
yet very subtle, reaching into every atom of my being. I began to feel uncomfortable.
It was like coming in from the cold into to a warm room, still wearing a
It became unbearable. Something had to give. I was no longer
a cohesive entity. I was conscious that my body was being unrelentingly
pulled apart atom by atom. The old molecules, which had made me what I thought
of as myself, wanted to resist, seeking some snug shelter somewhere in a
darker region no longer reachable. I felt like a condemned man, dying a
nonphysical death. But in the end it was only my resistance which had to
perish. Letting go of my attachment to my novel costume - my body, which
I had been wearing for millennia - was in fact a great liberation. This
was the individual which had clung to my physical disguises time and time
again, exchanged for a new one whenever the old one was worn out. I was
keen to take a look at the vast spectrum of these veils - an endless chain
of lives, paraded in millions of images in front of my disembodied eyes.
The process began to feel joyful once I understood not to cling on to the
old heavy matter of my body and the burden of the past. Whatever the forces
were that ripped me apart, they did so not because they wanted to destroy
me, but out of love, pure and unconditional. They wanted me to join them,
become part of them, so I could enter their native realm.
There was no
turning back. It was as if I was pulled by invisible strings, all eager
to call me home. This was accompanied by a sweet and beckoning sound, which
evolved into a choir of enchanting sound, with voices so sweet that there
was no way I could have resisted.
I left behind all that I had valued
so much, which was really little more than idle games played with childlike
earnestness, and dreams indulged in and lifetimes struggling in search of
With my new pair of eyes I became accustomed to my new surroundings
as if I was coming into sunlight for the first time after being trapped
in a dark dungeon for years.
Before me a sea of pleasure opened in warm
sparkling waves and a disembodied soprano voice urged me to plunge my heart
and soul into this open ocean.
I was not alone. There were millions like
myself, sparkling orbs, the souls of others, bobbing along on a vast expanse
of coloured light, attached to sparkling filaments fused to a living counterpart
down below in some distant darkness.
Whatever their blind and ignorant
physical counterparts were up to, indulging in meanness or basking in love,
their lights up here were barely affected by what went on below.
the ecstatic storm of my transformation had passed, there was peace. It
was like a gathering of my new critical faculties; a calibrating of my new
instruments of perception. I soon forgot everything I had learned in the
limited world of Earth and began to prepare myself for a totally new cognitive
experience. I was not in a place or in a time any longer, or in any form;
instead, I was everywhere simultaneously, except there wasn't a 'where'
at all. There was just I.
Yet I was also aware of another presence, which
had been with me all this time. I still couldn't see it, only knew that
it was beside me. It was like another me, watching, guarding and guiding.
I thought my journey had ended - I'd reached a unity which gave me a great
peace and a clarity of mind, which I drank eagerly. I had returned from
an endless, exhausting voyage, and now it was my time to rest. I was home
Thoughts and belief systems
This was not home for very long. I heard a roll
of thunder and the air around me began to vibrate. On all sides, shapes
started to emerge out of the light. I noticed that I was standing in the
centre of a gigantic six-pointed pattern, which rose up around my feet to
form a massive, immensely intricate flower reminiscent of a magnolia. It
spread out in all directions and as it grew it elevated me to dizzying heights,
and before I knew it I was staring down into the infinite depth of space.
But this expanse was not black like our Earth's universe, it was lit by
myriad spellbinding objects.
Thoughts are curious things, made out of
words. Within our physical brains they appear to be abstract things, attached
to objects, which in themselves have no substance whatsoever and are strung
together by recollections of meanings. In a sense we are their creators
and with them we form worlds around us. Until now I hadn't realised that
here they were living 'physical' realities.
For a while now I had been
aware of a beautiful entity, like breath unformed, attached to me with gentle
hands, giving me a thrill which pulsated through my new body. The moment
I became aware of it, it detached and unfolded in front of me like an enormous
It was love.
And now it had become a thought, a detached object
I could observe objectively. Its inner life had taken on the pulsating power
I had felt earlier, and it spread out and unfolded in the space before me
as a large symmetrical flower. A breath ago it was just a bud, but now it
opened into even fuller bloom as I pondered its secret. It was evolving
continuously, drawing its life force seemingly from my attention. From its
centre, incredibly elegant blooms unfolded on spiraling stems and pirouetted
around one another in a joyful dance. The moment they touched they merged
and showers of golden dust exploded and other blooms were spawned, even
more beautiful than before. This in turn initiated a whole generation of
blossoms to emerge, forever varying and evolving in abundance. At the centre
of the blossom a core appeared like a fruit and evolved into an organic
shrine opening its walls, with blooms sprouting around its entrance beckoning
me to enter, to rejoin and merge with the love which was so much part of
But I was too distracted to enter, as an endless armada of
giant thought shapes was drifting in front of me, each vying for my attention.
I could pick on any shape at will and its living reality surrounded me on
all sides and offered me its inner secret. Some were gigantic structures,
alien and complex and of beguiling mystery and beauty.
design and character differed tremendously from thought form to thought
form, as did their colours and sounds. It was only too easy to be seduced
by any of these shapes and to apprehend their inner meaning. They liked
nothing more than attention and drew their sustenance from it. They were
animated by a quest for expansion, grabbing sympathetic energy in their
path like greedy exotic sea creatures. They wove their way around alien
matter, growing as they grazed on the energies being sent towards them by
orbs of light.
Some of them formed colonies covering large territories.
I saw the formation of whole ideologies and theories, creating complex worlds
within themselves. From up here I could see countless belief systems as
incredibly complex shapes. I saw that once immersed in any of those structures
the perspective of the world changed for good. The centre of the thought
felt like the centre of the universe itself. It was difficult to argue against
them, each vying for space and attention.
How easy it seemed for people
to become seduced and ensnared by these grand designs. The sheer presence
of them, how each thought provided refuge, belonging and identity, because
beyond them appeared to be nothing but dark and empty space. How many people,
I thought, understand that they have the power to rise above and observe
these thoughts for what they are: temporary resting places, no more than
inventions, giving us the illusion that we are in control. And yet they
were as fleeting as clouds. When my interest waned and attention withdrew,
they withered away into nothingness.
I was fascinated by this powerful
display. The passions and energies invested in them made them shine and
stand out like grand edifices, singing the glory of their creators, many
of them hypnotised by their beauty and artistic perfection.
majestic structures drifted through my field of vision with great authority,
rolling slowly through the vast deep space like gigantic alien star ships,
so vast that I could barely see where they finished. Millions of orbs were
attached to them, attracted by their sheer size and presence, enjoying the
ride and the company of fellow crew members. It was driven by a powerful
engine at its centre, which was nothing less then a gigantic star, sitting
at the top of a magnificent dome for everyone to see. Inside the dome, millions
worshipped it like their God.
Another big spaceship caught my attention.
This one had the cool beauty of complex geometric ornamentation, joined
together skillfully by billions of intricate patterns and shapes like crystals,
arranged ingeniously to perfection. When looking for its mode of propulsion,
I saw that huge blue orbs of light were its energy source, pulling it along,
mining knowledge from the deep mysterious space surrounding it. In its wake
it created new geometric shapes, which were harvested eagerly and absorbed
into the structure of the gigantic ship. Any other forms it encountered
were probed with purpose and curiosity. Occasionally it unearthed gigantic
treasures, which reverberated and reconfigured the ship's design and greatly
increased its power. Its great authority was undeniable, because it was
multidimensionally expanding, both laterally and vertically, sending its
beneficial energies into the worlds below. Awestruck by its precision, its
clear-cut beauty and perfect design, I watched its slow, but unrelenting
progress and admired the scientific ingenuity of our species to create such
grand structures. Its charisma was one of rationality and reason, cool and
There were millions of such shapes. Some small but evolving
and growing, others lumbering and fading into the ocean of billions of thoughts
that burst into life, clustering around each other like living
This was an enormous world, a whole universe in itself - the creation of
man: Gods and creators in our own right.
Whereas on Earth my attention
could explore each thought only sequentially, here, from a dimension above,
freed from the linear programming of the physical brain, I could read each
structure in its entirety instantly, simultaneously appreciating its substance
and essence. It was impossible not to marvel at these magnificent edifices,
their monumental construction and seductive three-dimensional pattern of
beguiling symmetry, colour and proportions, woven together with celestial
craftsmanship, radiating out from their mysterious centres.
Here on this
level, thinking was no longer an effort but an immense pleasure of observation
and detached contemplation, which made it easy to observe the limitations
of thoughts themselves. From up here I had a perfect viewpoint. I could
zoom in to them and absorb them instantly in their essence.
I was in
philosopher's paradise. The world of human mind. The heaven of inventors,
artists, mathematicians, scientists and religious believers.
I felt great
freedom in the exploration. Each structure had a reason to be and to exist,
just like any other creature in the world; they were products of our species,
borne out of need and the desire for knowledge and understanding. They were
the songs of our thirsting souls.
The infinite vistas of
The journey unfolds
A gentle voice, which
I at first mistook for a song, whispered into my ear and prised me from
"Look upon this playground of the mind. I dare
you not to be seduced by it. In all your dreams you won't find greater amusement
This gentle voice was posing a question and was attempting,
by its very gentleness, to demolish the world I had began to admire so much
for its sheer grandiosity. The imperfections of what I saw began to lose
their power to seduce. I felt sorry for my fellow souls, who were trapped
in them, forever seeking comfort and identity. I could see clearly how passionately
they would defend their positions, arguing their point of reality - they
would even go to war for it. I studied their irreconcilable differences
of frequencies and character. Often their authority was taken only from
their size, sometimes from the beauty of their design. It was clear that
there could be no clear winner. All their passengers were attached to their
systems rather than the reality of their own individual being.
a rush of wind, as if I was flying through the air at great speed, but I
was not moving. I heard distant thunder. The world around me began to shift
and I wondered what other sights lay in store for me. The wind was actually
a familiar voice whispering gently into my ear. I could not tell the words
- it was a different language, not human. But somehow I had the impression
of what it meant: it was announcing that I should prepare myself to visit
the penultimate dream of all humanity.
The thunder was accompanied by
electrical activity around me. With a thrill I felt the huge lotus flower
underneath me growing rapidly, spreading out in every direction until it
formed the shell of an enormous celestial structure, large enough to contain
the whole universe. I had taken residency inside a grand cosmic temple.
The walls were made out of liquid light, continually solidifying and transforming
into new precious materials, beaming with ever changing patterns. I could
see at once where the architects of the great mosques on earth had received
their inspiration from.
In every direction was an entrance or an exit,
yet each tantalisingly close by. Through each gigantic portal I could glance
into the vast vistas of different heavens, infinite landscapes lining the
many avenues leading out through the gates. Each route out of this cathedral
was a highway into another heaven, lined by magnificent arches as if to
glorify the approach.
The walls of this enormous edifice were cycling
through precious materials, casting off energies in the forms of light and
patterns of alternating complexities, like a giant exotic sea creature.
The temple, if this word is at all appropriate, was alive and was illuminated
by countless little orbs like myself. They sparkled in different colours
and permutations of expression, some bright, some calm and sedate, but each
one individual. Streams of them migrated joyfully through the vast gates
to disappear into their heavens. On closer inspection, I saw that most of
them were still attached to shapes which they had claimed for themselves
in their own worlds, fascinated by their power and drawing strength from
them. It were these thought forms they were still attached to, which would
determine the nature of the heaven they would enter. It was clear to me
that from each orb's point of view they must have felt that they alone formed
the centre of this sheer endless place, and that their chosen heaven was
the true destiny for every other person on Earth. It was easy to see why,
because each formed the centre from which the cosmic lotus flower radiated
out, and each formed the petal of the adjacent one so that the whole merged
into an infinite tapestry.
"Humans find their identities here. They
spin their webs of philosophies, religions and beliefs. Some get caught
in it like a fly in a spider's web; some use it to spin their dreams and
spend many lifetimes to unravel and fulfill them." The voice whispered
But my attention had already wandered towards one of those hovering
portals. The temptation to explore one of these vistas was overwhelming.
The mere thought was enough to overpower me, and I entered one of the irresistible
tunnels, which was huge and bright, and lined with impressive columns on
either side, and above and below. Peering through the columns as I travelled
along, I saw the scenery spread out infinitely and I could have taken any
of those side opening pathways and entered a new heaven of staggering diversity
and wonder. People here could spent eternity exploring these fantastic heavenly
universes, experiencing their never-ending joys and freedoms, not getting
tired or bored for a single moment.
I found myself accelerating through
the vaulted tunnels. Occasionally, I drifted past hosts of heavenly creatures
like schools of fish, rejoicing in song. On all sides new realms opened
up like galaxies. I glanced into openings into other worlds, each one as
vast as the one I travelled through, promising unimaginable pleasures. I
was lured from all sides by fine soprano voices, which combined with all
the other joyous songs creating a complete symphony. It was surely here,
I mused, that our great Earthly composers received their inspiration.
But I sailed straight on, past all of these temptations, which could not
satisfy my hope that there was something more profound than this.
there was a pull from another direction. It was I, myself. I realised that
I had been seduced by a dream, a mere wish, which was only a thought, a
possibility, and that reality was far more than this. I was back in the
temple. The voice spoke to me again, softly, gently, as if not to disturb
"You are right. This world is a grand illusion,
put in your path to trick you - to keep you fascinated and imprisoned as
a limited being. Yet to many people on Earth what you've just seen is the
dream of all dreams come true, the heaven of all heavens. And indeed, compared
to life on the dense Earth, this truly is paradise, where people spend millennia
exploring the vast scope and vistas of heaven and its joys."
voice now sounded more human and very close by. I was being guided by a
very old friend, who faded in and out of my vision. One moment it was a
brilliant orb of light and the next a beautiful face materialised, sculpted
by a serene sense of humor, boundless compassion and love. Then it faded
again, revealing itself as a presence, extending and merging with the surrounding
The stillness and peace that followed was an indication that something
was going to happen. Then I noticed that the silence was not silence at
all, but was a sound I had had no facility to hear before. A deep boom gave
me to understand immediately that all I had seen so far was child's play,
that it was time to wake up out of my dream and embrace reality.
The inner core of reality
Same event continuing
Until now we have been dealing with dimensions, which, although difficult
to describe or imagine, are still within the realms of our human experience,
a mental realm. The difficulty we are faced with in reaching into the dimensions
beyond are that we are leaving the realms of knowledge, imagination, thinking
and understanding. In short, description is simply impossible, because we
are dealing with consciousness that transcends our human experience. Until
now, conventional thinking has served us well as part of our evolutional
development. We have learned to refine it to such a degree that we are able
to manifest the most sublime concepts of our intellect and weave structures
of incredible complexities resulting in the most fascinating and uplifting
earthly and mental heavens imaginable. To reach beyond all this the mind
is nothing but a burden and an obstacle. In order to get close to our true
nature, all form of thought must perish, and with it our identity as limited
human entities. In its place a new illuminated mind takes up position. At
the basis of all conventional thinking is an awareness of the finite. Our
mind is simply incapable of comprehending anything outside its own nature.
Although we may have words for it like eternity, infinity, God, universal
consciousness and their like, they will never provide a true insight into
states of consciousness which go beyond thinking. This is the very reason
why the Buddha is silent. This should not distract us from the fact that
this is a natural state of consciousness which lies at the heart of all
of us, in our innermost being. As such it can be called upon by way of attention.
And we don't have to be great sages to claim our natural heritage as the
following experience will illustrate.
The difficulty though remains,
it is almost impossible to convey something that is beyond thoughts, word
and our general means of communication. In order to convey the experience
all I am left with are a roundabout descriptions of symptoms, residues I
was left with and it is only these I can convey. This is as far as I can
The presence near me reassured me that I was safe, but that I was
embarking on a new dimension altogether for which there was no precedence.
The sound I heard was like the OM, I had used it in the past while out of
my body and now I realised why it had always had such a powerful effect.
But this was far, far more. It was the sound itself making the sound, which
What happened next was to challenge my human comprehension
to its limits.
This was in unknown territory. I relied on the presence
- which was not human, yet like an old friend, a mother and father combined
-to guide me. It was an incredibly intimate experience, and I was aware
of it in my soul. I felt trust, absolute and unconditional - so much so
that I offered myself in total surrender to the presence.
around me faded. The sound transmuted into the breaking surf of ocean waves.
It was born.
I stood on the shores of a vast and glorious ocean.
ocean waves are made of atoms and light, this ocean was just pure light
in essence - as was the sandy beach; and the waves came rolling in towards
me as gigantic mountains of crashing light, overwhelming me completely.
But to put it like this is to do it a tremendous injustice, because words
cannot describe the transformation which took place inside me as these energies
burst into creation and into life, submerging and dissolving me in the process.
But these are the limits of my words, and you, the reader, will have to
search deep within yourself to perhaps recall the distant memory when you
too bathed in the water of life -before you were born into earthly existence.
There was no fear, because there was only light, and the waves that rolled
towards me crashed through me, lifting me into an unknown ecstasy. There
was no letting up: wave after wave rolled over me and when I thought I could
stand no more a greater joy swallowed me up and carried me with it into
lands of bliss.
But as I said, this was not a place for words. Words
belong to a far lower level of consciousness than even thought, and I had
left thoughts long behind in a universe which appeared now like dense darkness
of ignorance in comparison to this. Thoughts are simply of a nature too
gross, I realised - too coarse to touch the fabric of the matter tearing
and hammering at my soul. There were universes upon universes, each one
created by a crashing wave and each one ripped away and destroyed by the
next. There was no repetition of universes; everything was new at every
I then realised that everything that had happened was a process
of purification of cosmic proportions. When the tide ebbed away there was
immense peace. Nothing stirred, nothing interrupted it. Until now I had
always been aware in my life of potentiality. This was potential realised
to perfection. But there was far far more. All stress, all need and want
had gone, everything I had strived for had found fulfillment. Whatever I
wanted lay there before me in its absolute essence, in total stillness and
emptiness combined. But again, of course, the word emptiness is wrong. I
had ceased to be. This was unformed, an unmanifested thrill. Until now I
had been bathed in something which could be understood as the cradle or
essence of love, but this was far beyond that. It was a super-dimension
of choice-less love, which was as clear as crystal. All remotely human feelings
had been stripped from it and replenished with utter purity. It was pure
intelligence, pure consciousness. It was reality in essence.
I knew everything,
because I was everything. No instrument of knowledge was needed, because
all instrumentality was my own creation. No creation was necessary.
am what I am."
I am all. Everyone of us can
make these statements. We, as a species, are at the heart of creation in
Being is at the heart of reality throughout all dimensions and
is contained in every moment. It is here in its essence to be recalled at
a moment's notice, no matter where we are, because it is the very blood
in our veins.
Here, stripped of all that I called myself, I was at the
heart of nature at its most powerful, most quintessential. I was omniscient,
omnipresent and infinite. The instant a question was raised, my universal
mind had it answered on a level unheard of, guided by a universal wisdom,
purpose and plan.
When scientists finally probe into the last remaining
mystery of the universe, this is what they will find and nothing will translate
into mathematics, formulas or concepts. All this is vanity.
What is life?
A thin membrane stretched over a river of ecstasy. Once pierced your life
will never be the same.
I dared to raise a question.
to become of me, the creator?"
Just when I thought there could be
no answer to my question, I heard new sounds rising from the stillness,
like flutes opening a white infinite space before me with shapes and possibilities
undefined. An invitation to manifest within realms unknown, with adventures
still unrealised and untold.
"This is reality and truth. Man's true
evolution begins here, in pure clarity, free of all illusion. The future
path of man's destiny starts here, now, to enter dimensions yet incomprehensible
and inaccessible, because man still carries the burden of his animal evolution
and instincts to survive in a limited world. A few have stormed ahead to
scout the way, to fathom what lies beyond."
I knew I was only at
the outer edges of creation and that beyond waited dimensions too far beyond
our human state of evolution.
I could travel no further, because this
was my true home. I was rocking gently to and fro to a celestial symphony,
resting like a baby in its mother's arms, in total trust and surrender,
listening to the heartbeat of creation, which rolled through me in waves
of ecstasy. I felt I could take no more and feared that if I stayed on I
would surrender my very consciousness and lose myself in the infinite ocean
of pure joy.
I did not want this. I had worked for many years to attain
Samadhi and when it came I was unprepared. I had to return.
say how long I was in this region. I felt sanctified. Everything about and
around me was beautified. I felt whole and holiness was a word which had
attained its true meaning for me now.
When I came round I was sitting
on a bench in a large hall, still not in my physical body. My face rested
in my hands. I was in a state of recovery, adjustment. My body convulsed
with the aftereffects of this experience. I tried to control them and get
a grip of the thing I called myself, a curious entity thrown together with
molecules and atoms mined from eternity and infinity and endowed with a
unit of consciousness which could call itself "me". Now it was
dressed again in ideas, protecting itself for whatever reason from the light
I am. But what was this 'I am', separated from its true reality.
It was nothing but a thought, a dream, an illusion.
I became gradually
aware of my surroundings and noticed a man sitting on another bench not
far from me. He looked vaguely familiar, but I could not place him.
you been through that door?" he asked, pointing at a magnificent entrance
to some other room. "You could not have," he said then, answering
his own question. "I have been sitting and waiting here for years and
years. You are not that advanced to go through that door."
I had little idea what he was talking about, but I guessed he meant
the dimension I had just returned from, that heavenly realm he had been
waiting to get into for so long.
I looked at him. I had nothing to reply
with - no words to say or think with. I still saw what I had seen behind
my eyes and my heart was struggling to adjust, still reeling in the aftermath
of such bliss. There was nobody to convince, no tales to be told, no witness
to bring forward. I knew that it was pointless to talk about it. I felt
sorry for all those who may have tried, who fell victim to being misunderstood,
their listeners mistaking them for saints, turning them into prophets and
holy men. I wanted nothing to do with this and had no interest in convincing
anybody. That which pulsated through my veins pulsated through everybody's.
Each one of us is, in that regard, a saint, sanctified; each one of us is
blessed by our great heritage. I took peace and comfort in the fact that
I was like everyone else.
When I looked at the man in front of me I wanted
to say, "Don't wait and don't try; you are already there."
He looked at me. Then I noticed other people, a group crowding around me,
but it wasn't me they were crowding around - it was a man by my side, who
I recognised as a master and a friend. It was he who had been with me and
had escorted me into the dimension I had just returned from.
towards me and said chirpily: "Its time to go. Say goodbye to the chappy
with the great golden key."
I burst out laughing, because I realised
he was referring to the mythological keeper of Heaven's Gate, St. Peter
of the Christian faith. I was happy to be human again.
Other people in
the group were laughing and making flippant, disrespectful, human comments.
The great master made me appreciate how natural it was to enter into such
As our group went through the great hall we passed gigantic
tapestries. This was a true palace with huge arched ceilings and marbled
floors and walls, but of such abundance and craftsmanship that they could
only be fashioned in thought. People of our group were pointing and talking.
After a while we passed enormous windows and I looked out into wide open
country. We descended many flights of stairs. The master asked questions,
but I was still too preoccupied with what I had seen to pay much attention
to them. The next time I looked out of the window I saw a sky covered with
silver cloud. The atmosphere had become distinctly Earthly. I could see
numerous rivers snaking across the countryside, and many people working.
I saw bulldozers and bizarre heavy machinery and wondered about the meaning
of it all.
The master noticed my puzzlement. He asked if I could explain
what I was seeing.
I said, "Judging by the clouds and the light
in the sky and the use of such heavy machinery, I'd say we must be on a
dimension very close to our Earth." The master laughed approvingly.
It was strange that despite his familiarity and friendliness I could not
work out where I knew him from.
Finally, we exited the building and the
group dispersed. I watched the workmen having fun with their equipment by
staging play fights, clashing their diggers against each other, yelling
and laughing like schoolboys.
I knew it was time to go back to my own
familiar territory. I spent a few moments running through the events, knowing
that without impressing them on my brain all I had experienced would be
When I woke up I was slumped over in my chair. I ran once again
through the events, without moving a muscle. The inside of my head felt
like a brightly illuminated hall. I sat in total peace, reliving it all.
There was a strong light right at the top of my skull. I smirked when the
thought of a cartoon light bulb slipped into my mind. 'To see the light'
is an expression we all take for granted, but why don't we remember what
the light is? I relished the fact that what I had seen was real, not a dream.
Finally, I got up out of my chair. It was just after eight in the morning.
Julia was still asleep, and she looked very peaceful. I peeked into my little
daughter's room, where she lay nestled up in her cot.
What a miracle
creation is, I thought.
I made tea. I got dressed. I felt different.
There was a presence with me, which I had carried back into my world from
that other dimension. It showed there was continuity to life, which spans
all levels of consciousness. The presence was with me as I left the house,
when I crossed the road and walked to the nearby cricket ground. When I
acknowledged the presence with a smile, it smiled back at me tenfold. I
felt warmth and affection for it, and it responded with overwhelming love.
I felt privileged to be have been chosen to be alive, to continue to be
allowed to live in a universe of such splendor. The presence was with me
like a silent companion. It watched my every step. It walked with me and
everywhere I looked I saw it. It confirmed its reality. Every humble tree
or object I looked at told me that it was true.
The world had a wonderful
symmetry. The songs of the birds blended harmoniously with the noise of
a passing car and the slight breeze rustling the branches of the trees.
My eyes naturally picked out repeating pattern on the tarmac of the path
in front of me, reassembling it like a Persian carpet. This is a beautiful
place, I thought, and as humans we are chosen to share it with its creator.
Alas, our physical brain is a powerful organ, rooted firmly in our three-dimensional
world. However lofty our experiences, they cannot stand their ground in
the harsh light of man-made reality, and soon my journal entry was filed
under 'Extraordinary Experiences' and left there for twenty-five years.
It took all this time and regular deep meditation to coax this presence
subtly and gradually back into my life as a silent reality.